Why this blog?

Okay, I have never been a blogger, but sometimes even old dogs can learn new tricks.

I have wanted to write about my experience as a foster mom to Miranda Gaddis and the lessons I learned through the indescribable agony of her death. I had started to write years ago, then let one person's upset stop me from writing. Each time I would try to write, I hit a wall.

That wall was, in part, not wanting to face the pain of her death. Yes, it has been 14 years, but the wound is still raw: Some days it is too raw. But in reality, the pain should not stop me from writing. I know that I write better when emotions are raw. Writing helps me heal. So is this really the reason I am not able to get started?

The other factor is that I keep trying to develop a cohesive format and an outline for my story. Okay organization has never been my forte. Maybe I have been focusing on developing and not on feeling and writing.

Thus a blog........  I can write about what I am thinking of on any given day. There will be days when I will be emotional, days that I will be analytical, and  days that I will have not a thought in my head. But that is all okay. It is a part of the process. It is a part of my healing.

I would also like this to be a place where people can share memories of Miranda. Please write your stories and send them to me. I hope to be able to publish them here so that we can all remember what a remarkable human being she was. She brought such joy to so many. I know there are MANY stories to be told.


This is my story. It is NOT about how Miranda arrived at my home. It is not about the DHS foster care case. It is not about the murder case. In these pages you will find the story of a family that fell in love with a 10 year old girl who became an indisputable member of our family. Her presence in our lives changed us forever. Her disappearance left a hole that can never be filled. Fourteen years later, as I write these words, the wound is still raw. We remember her daily and on anniversary dates (the date she disappeared, the date they put up the fence or the date they announced they had identified her body, and her birthday....) At times, we have gone to her grave, but we know that she is not there. She is dancing in heaven and I, for one, would like to remember the good times and not keep re-traumatizing myself by visiting a place that marks her death. I want to remember her life.

You are welcome to follow along or not. Share it with others or not. I do ask that any comments be free from discussion of the foster care case and contain no disparaging remarks about anyone. This is meant to be a place of remembering and healing.



Just some random thought on future posts (This is RANDOM and in no particular order)

Christmas 2001. It was a wonderful time with all three of my girls together for the first (and last) time. There are so many happy memories as well as deep thought provoking discussions which would set a tone for the lessons I would learn in the following months.

• One such conversation was "Would you still die for me?" Which led to a much deeper understanding of God's unfathomable love for us.

The last call. We never know when the last conversation will be. I am so glad I returned her call and had the chance to say everything that needed to be said.

The drive through a thunder storm. SUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!

The last vacation. Wallowa Lake

Holding on to grief.

Disenfranchised grief

I feel so alone

No escape from the news yet drawn to it for ANY information I could get.

Amazing Grace

"I'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross"

#MirandaGaddis