The last time I really participated in Christmas was in 2001. I was totally pumped. I had all my girls with me. Miranda had come "home" for Christmas break and I had my newest additions, Amber and Ashley with me for their first Christmas in my home. I was in heaven. As in my previous post, The Promise, I was indeed the "joyful mother of children."
My girls all bonded immediately and truly became sisters. Amber and Ashely both grew to love Miranda within the first few minutes of meeting her. Of course this is how everyone felt about Miranda. Miranda loved Amber and Ashely and wanted to protect them from all the pain of being removed from their parents. She talked to me at length about how she wanted to force the State to make a quick decision on behalf of Amber and Ashley. She wanted them to KNOW where their home was going to be. She talked about how hard it was for her when her future was unknown. She told me that she would have been fine going home or remaining with me.
Christmas that year was amazing. We had family Christmas at my house that year. My life was full. My heart nearly exploded with joy. Life was good. Christmas decorations, Christmas crafts, Family, Love, Reggie, our first Sharp Family dog, too much Christmas shopping and too much money spent. It was an amazing Christmas. I cherished every minute.
I truly felt that my THREE girls and I had become a unified family. Over the next two months, I talked to Miranda many times. Amber and Ashley talked about her often. I hoped that we would spend time together as a family on special occasions for years to come.
When Miranda disappeared, my heart was shattered. Were it not for Amber and Ashley, I do not think I would have survived. I love them with all my heart, but for a very long time, I was so shattered by the loss of Miranda, that I could barely get up in the morning, put one foot in front of the other or even breath. I will always feel bad for the times that I could not provide the emotional support to my girls because I was so broken.
In the years since, Amber and Ashley have decorated each year, and I went through the motions, but my heart has not been in it. This year I am diving in. I am going to do my best at putting up decorations, making home made Christmas gifts, maybe even send out Christmas cards.... It is time to reclaim life, reclaim, joy. It will not be easy, but it is time!
Joy: That is yet another post.
#MirandaGaddis
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